1 October 2015, Thursday
Cars, dustbins and dog poo! Yes one night on Dereboyu

Oh I seem to be on a role this week! Two articles within a space of days! Well I have a lot to bitch about so why stop now…

The other evening I decided to take my aunt who is visiting from London, to dinner in north Nicosia. As their house is central to most places on one of the busiest high streets in north Nicosia, I thought it would be nice for us to take a leisurely stroll to one of the restaurants down there.

Yes… Not one of my better ideas… Why I hear you cry? The weather is cooler; it’s a pleasant time to walk… Yeah not so much, especially down the famed Dereboyu high street. I would just like to point out, if you do decide to take a walk down this road, especially at night, take out life insurance.

Rather than a walk, it is more like an assault course. Let me enlighten you…

As you leave your house in one of the side streets, be warned that you have to walk in the road… Why I hear you cry! Because there are very little pavements and the ones that do exist are overhung with wondrous foliage! As you make your way on to the bustle of Dereboyu you find some form of concrete which resembles a pavement. However the gaping holes, broken tarmac and asphalt make it difficult to determine whether or not it is actually a walking path.

As you proceed along the high street, there is no telling which side of the road you will walk on. People who normally walk along a high street do it to look into shop windows or because they have to get to somewhere in particular. In north Nicosia, whether you are window shopping or not, you will end up walking on both sides of the street. This is to avoid a certain number of things namely cars parked on the pavement, tables set out for frequenters of a local there, dustbins, excavations in the name of road works or dog poo! Yes dog poo! The lovely people of Cyprus have yet to learn that when you take your pooch for a walk, you need to carry a nylon bag in order to collect the remnants of that evening’s dinner.

This is where you will need to have life insurance. As you endeavour to master this assault course, you will find yourself in the road, in the way of on coming or going cars. When you take out the insurance, don’t forget to pick up your fluorescent yellow or orange jackets so that you can sport them on your evening adventure down Dereboyu.  It has been proven to be 85% effective; the remaining 15%? Well let’s just say I hope they are probably now in a more traffic free environment. It’s not just because there is traffic along the roads… Of course there are going to be cars! The ones you need to watch out or rather listen out for are the ones with twin exhausts which rev up and down the road, making you jump 4 feet high out of your skin. Now those beauties are a sight! 2010 model Suzuki Vitz, pimped out with neon lights and roaring exhausts!

So once you have tackled the chasms, dog shit, other pedestrians trying to manoeuvre down the road, screaming children, cars and dustbins, to get to where you are going, you deserve a cool glass of something. Because as you came to your destination, the realisation that you have to tackle the same journey back dawns on you!

Waiter… Make that a double!!

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