Home Page >> Columnists Funda GUMUSH | 7 June 2015, Sunday

Glasshouses and all...


I have found that people and I don’t know if this is a genetic trait for Cyprus or it’s a worldwide phenomenon, have a disconnection between their mouths and their brains. The more common term for it is called ‘knowitallosis’.

Have you ever come across people you haven’t encountered for a while, who greet you with the words ‘Oh my goodness you have lost so much weight!’  Whatever happened to the good old ‘Hi how are you?  What have you been up to?’ It seems to be the illness of our modern times that when you come across a person you know, instead of the niceties we were taught when growing up, people go straight for the personal appearance.

This illness (for want of a better word) - ‘knowitallosis’ usually focuses on weight gain and/or loss. You come across a friend/colleague/acquaintance and the first words that come out of their mouths are ‘My dear you have put on a few extra pounds since I saw you!’ or ‘Oh my, how did you get so thin!’

There is a secondary phase of this phenomenon is known as the ‘greeneyedmonsteritis’ but it’s more commonly found in the female species. This part of the illness zones in on the handbag, shoes and maybe the perfume the woman is wearing. This part of the sickness is curable; however it may be temporary until something else comes into fashion.

I recently came across a person who has the extreme ‘knowitallosis’ sickness. Yes, it was a person I had never met before but after 15 minutes, I determined that they were suffering from it. This person went as far as to tell me I was so wound up that I should start smoking again in order to calm down!

This was the first time I had come across the extreme case… People suffering from the primary symptoms I met every day; hell I even had relatives suffering from the ‘greeneyedmonsteritis’ but this was something else.

 I confided in a friend of what I found and I was flabbergasted to discover that the extreme of this illness was known as ‘headuptheirownarseitis’. It’s when the person finds it in themselves to tell you how you should feel or act. It was a real shame because this person seemed so normal!

As far as I’m aware doctors haven’t yet found a cure… if you know anyone with the ‘knowitallosis’ or ‘headsuptheirownarseitis’ sickness, my recommendation to you… stay the hell away. You will be happier as a person as I have heard of rare cases where it’s catching.

What I’m trying to say is… people in glasshouses shouldn’t throw stones. The person you judge may be thin/overweight/miserable or whatever for a reason. If you know nothing about their lives, don’t be quick to label them. If roles were reversed I can honestly say you wouldn’t want to be on the receiving end.

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